― Dr. Bindu Kapoor - Counseling Psychologist
This particular blog is being written keeping in mind the much hyped modern day parenting. Parenting is being talked over every nook and corner. What has made it so volatile? Has the raw material used in new born different now? Have the family dynamics altered? Are the new parents inducted differently? Has the social media revolutionized it? Are these commercial gimmicks?
These some questions need to be pondered upon. The main objective of this write up is to demystify and streamline parenting so that it becomes a more fulfilling and fortified experience. Parenting has undergone so many changes and alterations. It is too sensitive and subjective in nature. The basic essence which parenting beholds is care and nurturance.
Being the” best parent “is an unsaid desire of each parent but to be one doesn’t seem having sure shot way. There are various schools of thought on how to raise a kid who is happy, kind, responsible and successful as well and have their own Dos and Don’ts. As I mentioned earlier parenting is subjective, it differs from home to home, family to family, parent to parent and child to child. These differences occur for it is a human dealing not a machine run approach. So dear parents take parenting in right stride, optimistic approach and wholesome responsibility.
Modern parents have the entire internet at their disposal and don’t follow any single authority. It’s hard to know whom or what to trust. Here, we’ll talk about how to help your child grow up to be a person you really like without losing yourself in the process. Modern Parenting expects the child to listen, respect and trust the parent. All of these things are easy to set as goals, but hard to achieve. How do you find the right balance?
As the child grows, challenges too change, and your thought process also tends to evolve. So with this in mind let us pour in some priceless practices in the parenting jar to make it an exciting experience.
Ø Keep it simple: Parenting just requires straight-simple acts. Big talks, preaching’s, creating hypes actually do not benefit the process but in turn confuses the child and burns out the parent.
Ø Be yourself: Be original, believe your experiences and beliefs when it’s time to handle your child. Just be sure that you are rational enough and compassion packed while dealing a parenting situation. I vouch you will never go wrong. Avoid getting in the trap of comparing yourself with fellow parents and then getting influenced by them. You, your child, your family dynamics are different and unique, act accordingly.
Ø Consistency: In simple words it is to be on your words. Setting rules for kids and laying expectations from children requires practical aspects. Knowing your child’s strengths and weaknesses is the foremost step followed by accepting these. Talking out logically about the rules to the child strengthens the consistency pad. Setting your priorities likewise is yet another challenge which disrupts the flow, so know what is most important for you.
Ø Run marathon not race: Parenting taken in stride as a normal way of life strikes the balance. The balance which is required to keep you connected to yourself, you get time to think of yourself, pamper yourself, staying in touch with your friends and relatives. Taking breaks in between is rejuvenating. The race attitude is rested only on always winning, just focusing on destination neglecting the fun involved in the journey. The marathon idea advocates to be in the present moment, smiles and frills are everyday features, embracing shortcomings and failures as an opportunity to redo in a new manner.
Ø Invest Quality Time: Believe me kids crave for parents’ attention and validations. Your time, your patience in listening to them gratifies their so many confusions and concerns. They feel worthwhile and confident. I recommend sharing good healthy time with them right from the very beginning so it looks like an integrated feature than appearing as an external effort.
Ø Be friendly but not friends: Friendliness means cordiality, understanding each other’s needs, helping out whenever required, sharing and enjoying the hearty moments. Being friends with the child allows him to enter your life casually, can take undue freedom from you, liable to belittle you, likely to cross the limits you have set for ensuring discipline and order at home. Remember the child needs you as a parent, he shall have many friends on his way but parents only two as a set. You position is unique and complete in itself. Display your poise and tact to accomplish this adornment with conviction and ease.
Ø Blend your instincts with science and researches of parenting: Ample scientific information on parenting is available online and offline. Refer them when you need help. They carry substance. Add your personal touch to researched facts than relying on age old myths and beliefs which either do not blend with the current times or have no factual grounds.
Ø Limitless secure attachment: On arriving this noisy light filled world from the warmth of the womb, the newborn is all shocked and scared. He fears the noise, lights, sounds, people and objects around. His despair and insecurity are managed by the caress and compassion by the mother and other care takers. When he is held gently and calmly, the soft touch and love conveys, “Yes you are wanted, you mean a lot” and sows the seeds of secure attachment style. The child feels worthy, is able to connect with trust, optimism and confidence. It could be other way round too, babies who are not kept under love and affection, warmth remains a major miss tend to develop insecure attachment style. This impacts their later years adversely. They appear to be overly critical, low in confidence and mistrust others’ intentions and acts. The theory of attachment styles is loaded with empirical research work across cultures. Secure attachment style is what each life deserves, being open to shower your time, warmth, love and acknowledgement is the simple recipe to attain it.
The bottom line is that modern parenting is all about exploring and integrating the family's unique passions, values, and beliefs to guide parenting decisions to make raising good kids a worthwhile venture. This converts the investment into ahigh return deal, smart, motivated, and morally-minded kids are raised spontaneously.
What I love most about modern parents is that they crave a positive and close connection with their kids. This means that modern parents are prepared to put in extra time talking with their child, assisting with problem-solving, or just hanging out with them as to foster a thick bond with the child.
So, all in all a few takes home message to become a truly modern parent and instill the best qualities in their children while upbringing them are
Ø Trying to be their role model
Ø Sparing time for children, availability matters
Ø Being Empathetic Towards children
Ø Managing the tantrums of children
Wishing you all a smooth and steady ride on the way to parenting. Do not hesitate to talk about your apprehensions and concerns for each life matters.